JANET FOREST  

MOTIVATIONAL COACHING

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How do unlikeable qualities of others show up in you?

October 23, 2019

 

I have been spending the last two months revisiting my workbooks from my life coaching training and brushing up on tools and exercises that I haven’t done in a while. I came across one that hit me like a ton of bricks. It was a practice in noticing qualities in others and then examining how those qualities show up in yourself.

 

I thought I would share what I discovered, (*cringe) and challenge you to try the exercise out yourself.

(This exercise is courtesy of iPEC - https://www.ipeccoaching.com)

 

Step #1 

Write down the name of a person you know and one quality about them that you admire.

 

Step #2

Write down the name of a person you know and one quality about them that you don’t like.

(Theoretically, it could be the same person as #1.)

 

Steps #3 & #4

For each person, answer the following question:

When do I express this quality?

When do I suppress it?

How do I feel about myself when demonstrating this quality?

Why do I suppose the other person’s having this quality has such an effect on me?

What aspect of me does that other person represent?

How have I judged them and me because of this quality?

 

Step #5

Let that marinate for a few days. (I added this step.)

 

 

Janet’s Discovery:

So, here is the good, the bad, and the ugly of what I found out about myself doing this exercise. The discoveries in red were things I felt ashamed of. The discoveries in blue were things I felt excited or inspired by.

 

Person #1: Empowers others to shine and succeed.

When do I express this quality?

When I see people with talent and something of value to offer our community.

 

When do I suppress it?

When I feel threatened or jealous. When they don’t share my values and goals.

 

How do I feel about myself when demonstrating this quality?

When I am empowering others, I feel empowered, joyful, connected, energized, and hopeful.

 

Why do I suppose the other person’s having this quality has such an effect on me?

It inspires me to pay it forward to others.

 

What aspect of me does that other person represent?

The aspects of me it represents in kindness, generosity, gratitude and intuition.

 

How have I judged them and me because of this quality?

I just this person and me as smart, powerful, confident, comfortable, and having high self-esteem.

 

Person #2 (…this is where things get dark…) Disrespectful of the boundaries of other people.

When do I express this quality?

I express this quality towards myself by not honoring or minding my own boundaries.

 

When do I suppress it?

When I know what I need and want and value that properly.

 

How do I feel about myself when demonstrating this quality?

I feel weak, exhausted, scared, angry, resentful, bitter and confused.

 

Why do I suppose the other person’s having this quality has such an effect on me?

I think this quality in them is so impactful because sometimes I don’t even respect my own boundaries. Why would they?

 

What aspect of me does that other person represent?

Fear, lack of control, anger, and scarcity.

 

How have I judged them and me because of this quality?

Based on this quality, I judge this person and me as weak, mean, selfish, manipulative and passive aggressive. 

 

There’s an awful lot of red up there, huh? Well the silver-lining is that this month’s 30-Day Challenge is about saying “no” and setting boundaries. 

 

When you have few minutes, go ahead and try this out yourself and let me know how it goes. If you would like to dive a little deeper on some of the discoveries you make, click here to schedule an initial session. I’d love to explore this with you!

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