Getting it DONE vs. Getting what you WANTED

Image by Michal Jarmoluk from Pixabay

A few weeks ago, I watched a friend get excited about a project they were offering only to end up annoyed and frustrated even though the project was a great success. Their disappointment came from the fact that they were expecting two or three other people to help, but at the last minute, none of them showed up. My friend was left to do all the work themselves. This had happened before, and I couldn’t help but wonder if the other participants just weren’t quite bought into the task at hand. My friend can be very particular and wants help doing things their way.

What would happen if my friend had either accepted that doing things her way often meant doing it alone or accepted that receiving help meant releasing control of the details?

Not every goal at an organization or within a group is a shared goal. Sometimes it is the brainchild of just one person, who needs or wants everyone’s help to reach it. If you’ve ever had the displeasure of being part of a group pursuing an idea of a member, who failed to think through what to prioritize (the goal or the group), this will all sound very familiar. 

If you are that one person with the idea, how would things have turned out differently if you made a choice about what to prioritize. Are you committed to getting it done exactly your way come hell or high water? Or are you more committed to reaching the finish line together?

Neither is wrong as long as you are clear on which is more important to you and what you are willing to let go of along the way there.

Maybe you are determined to have every aspect of the goal completed a specific way, and that is non-negotiable to you. You are passionate/experienced/knowledgeable about the path forward and it is important that nothing is compromised. This means you may have a hard time delegating or getting the group to help you at all. Another disadvantage could be that you lose some social capital with your peers, who might comply but are not inspired or attached to the outcome like you are. How likely will they be to help you in the future?

Maybe you are certain that the group will hop on board with your idea once they are invested in it, and you want to reach your goal with all your peers at your side celebrating the achievement together. This means you will likely need to detach from the “how” and accept that the trip to the finish line might involve detours and side trips you would have rather avoided. Can you deal with the inherent messiness of working in a group? 

If you acknowledge the distinction and make a conscious choice, you’ll be able to make peace with the disadvantages because they will come as no surprise. If you don’t have this clarity at the outset, you’ll likely reach the finish line and feel ambivalence at best, and perhaps resentment, anger, frustration or disappointment.

Both priorities can be right, but only if you choose.