Trick or Treat! Who are you supposed to be?
I went to a million different seminars in my twenties and thirties, and nearly all of them offer scripts and specific techniques to enact change or help you communicate more effectively. At first these scripts feel like you are trying to be someone you aren’t. Kind of like a Halloween costume.
But a funny thing sometimes happens when you try on a costume. You’ve probably seen it at a Halloween party when that one shy friend that you have known for years shows up in an outrageous get up. The disguise unleashes something in that person, and they take on a whole new persona. They can suddenly say and do things they’ve never had the confidence to before. They are taking over the dance floor, flirting and chatting with everyone.
Even though you know it’s a costume, and they know it’s a costume, for that night at least, there is a freedom in pretending to be someone else.
Taking steps to re-imagine your personal or professional identity is probably not as exciting as putting on a Halloween costume, but it can work the same magic. At first it feels awkward and phony. The people around you will notice this is not the way you normally talk or behave. Whether it is speaking up in a meeting for the first time, setting a clear boundary, or applying for a promotion. You’ll feel like you are putting on a costume.
But if you practice this new identity enough and consistently, it will feel less and less like a costume. You’ll start to internalize.
When I was in high school and college, I worked for a catering company that I credit for teaching me nearly everything I know about customer service. The owner expected his staff, both front of house and back of house, to understand the importance of proper dinner service and manners. He told us that when a customer asked us a question, the answer should never be, “I don’t know.” You were supposed to respond, “Let me find out for you.”
At first, I found it overly formal and hard to say. “I don’t know” and “I’m not sure” seemed to roll off the tongue much more easily. But gig after gig, it got easier. And even to this day, when someone asks me a question at work, without giving it too much thought, I’ll respond, “Let me find out for you.”
When you imagine what you want your career and day-to-day work life to look like, what are a few things you could do differently–even if it feels like a costume. What will you say or do differently? How would you feel about trying it on for the month of October?
Here are a few things to keep in mind:
It’s going to feel weird. Embrace the weird. Or at least be willing to sit in the discomfort.
Try out your new identity or behavior on strangers or people who don’t know you that well. You’ll know it’s a costume, but they won’t.
Pick something really small or subtle, and then build on your success.
Take note of how people treat you differently
Trick or treat!
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